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A Dog's Guide to Human Behavior

Any dog who has lived among humans knows that people are quirky and peculiar. However, with a little insight into human psychology and behavior, you can not only better understand your human but also grow to appreciate his unusual nature.

 Pet Peeves: The Little Doggy Things That Bug People

If you have had people in your home for any period of time, you surely know that they are often bothered by the most ordinary of things. Take for example, drinking out of the toilet. Any dog knows that the toilet is a convenient, tasty and refreshing place to drink. Despite this, humans often discourage their dogs from partaking of toilet water. Their unusual reaction to such a normal thing can be understood by considering territorialism in the human species. People are very territorial about their food, beverages and comfort spaces. So, the person who discourages a dog from imbibing in the bathroom is actually trying to protect his own territory; a dog with an understanding of this primal need is more effective at both pleasing and training his human. This territoriality can also be used to explain why people do not like to share chew toys such as slippers and shoes with their canine companions.

 Bathing: People Vs. Dogs

Dogs often wonder why humans take showers and baths nearly every day. The simple truth is that people are not as clean as dogs, so they need to take baths with water quite frequently. Dogs are constantly licking themselves in order to stay clean and tidy. However, humans not only cannot reach all parts of their own bodies with their tongues (!) but they do not even use their tongues to wash the parts they could reach. They have simply given up, and choose instead to immerse themselves in water. In addition, people lack the musky odor that surrounds any good dog; they try to mask this absence with soaps and perfumes since they are so ashamed they do not have dog-scent. Dogs must have sympathy for this sad condition and be patient with their unclean human friends.

 Why People Need Gadgets

Any dog living with a person in the developed world has probably noticed that people have an incredible number of gizmos and gadgets they use in their everyday lives. For example, if a dog wants some exercise, he goes for a run; if a person wants exercise, he mounts his treadmill, elliptical stair climber or other apparatus. When a person wants to eat something, he opens the refrigerator, then uses a blender, mixer, microwave, stovetop, can opener and myriad other devices to prepare dinner. A dog? Just give him a bowl of kibble or a chunk of raw meat on the bone and he'll be happy.  

So, what gives? The explanation behind this need for gadgets is the core insecurity of humans. They are constantly seeking dogs' love and attention and use gadgets to attempt to replace their lack of self-esteem. If you doubt this, simply watch your human the next time he makes a mistake; then placate him with a lick and a paw shake and watch how he is comforted by such a small action on your part.

 Remember, human behavior is actually really basic. All you have to do to keep your human happy is… throw him a bone.

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